IDIOMS 22: DYING &DEATH

The old man knew he was dying.
.....

WORD 22: DRINK WORD

DRINK YOUR COFEE BEFIRE IT GETS COLD.
....
...

DO YOU MIND?

1-She was slowly going ......... her mind with worry until she heard her daughter was safe and well.

(a) past by
(b) in to
(c) out of
(d) straight through


2-I do think you should ......... this in mind before you seriously think about changing jobs.

(a) carry
(b) stand
(c) hold
(d) bear


3-I'd honestly never heard such an outstanding performance of that symphony - it simply ......... my mind.

(a) blew
(b) tore
(c) split
(d) broke


4-The police officer asked him why he hadn't reported the matter earlier and he said simply that it had never ......... his mind.

(a) travelled
(b) crossed
(c) found
(d) discovered


5-I'm inclined to give her a ......... of my mind considering all the trouble she has caused this month.

(a) section
(b) slice
(c) piece
(d) portion


6-It's clear as they say that great minds think ......... because we have both come to exactly the same conclusion.

(a) same
(b) similar
(c) like
(d) alike

7-He has a one ......... mind as all he ever talks about is money, money, money.

(a) track
(b) road
(c) path
(d) rail


8-I just can't decide whether to go on holiday this week or later in the year. I'm really in ......... minds about it.

(a) twice
(b) double
(c) two
(d) dual


9-There, I knew there was something I had to do today and now it's completely ......... my mind.

(a) slid
(b) glided
(c) sailed
(d) slipped



10-I tried to show an interest in her future career but she simply told me to mind my own ..........

(a) state
(b) business
(c) activities
(d) actions






_________________________

Six Quick Tips to Build Charisma

By: Karla Brandau, CSP

"Charisma is the intangible that makes people want to follow you, to be around you, to be influenced by you." -- Roger Dawson

Each person is born ethnocentric, or believing that other people and events revolve around them which is generally true for the first few years of a child's life. The focus of activity for a growing child is inward. Some people carry this inward, self-focus into adulthood. These people, so overly concerned with their own well being in a self-centered way, never learn the secrets of influence. Successful people, who want to have the power of persuasion, turn their circle of activity and interest outward. They expand their centers to be as conscious of the world around them as they are of themselves. They develop what we call, charisma.

Charisma means you have learned to:

1. Act with credibility. Those who are inconsistent in their behavior repel people while those who are consistent in their behavior draw people to them. To be influential, have integrity. Speak up for what you believe, then act accordingly.

Gerry Spence, one of America's greatest trial lawyers, said, "One can stand as the greatest orator the world has known, possess the quickest mind, employ the cleverest psychology, and have mastered all the technical devices of argument, but if one is not credible one might just as well preach to the pelicans."

2. Be interested. Be truly interested in the other person. Treat him or her as the most important person you'll interact with that day - a VIP, Very Important Person. Smile at them, not just for a brief, dutiful second, but for a magical two or three seconds.

When you smile, lean toward the person a little, and think in your mind, "I like you. You are a great individual. I want to get to know you better." You'll be amazed at the connection and trust that will occur.

3. Extend respect. A few interaction skills that make a big difference to a respectful atmosphere in your organization include not interrupting conversations, asking if the person has time to talk, and listening to ideas.

Remember not to be in such a know-it-all position or in such a hurry that you finish other people's sentences. Be sure to comment on their ideas to let them know you have really been listening, not just waiting for them to take a breath so you can jump in with your agenda.

4. Deliver sincere compliments. People you work with do care what you think about them. They appreciate your mentioning their good work. When you do recognize them, be specific in your compliments.

Refrain from saying in an off-handed manner, "Oh, great work, Donna." Make it more personal: "Donna, that is the best research that has come across my desk in the last six months. Excellent work."

5. Accept sincere compliments. If a colleague comments, "Good presentation." Refrain from saying, "Oh, it was nothing." If a friend says, "Nice suit," don't reply, "This old thing? I've had it for years."

Deflecting a compliment often draws unwanted attention and belittles both you and the person offering the compliment. Just say, "Thank you." You'll be pleased with how gracious you become.

6. State what you are FOR, not AGAINST. People don't like nor do they cooperate with people who they think are against them. When you are against something, the person thinks you are against them personally. Once you voice your opposition to another person's idea, you become part of the problem. It's as if a war has started with each of you fighting to be right.

When you are for something, you begin focusing on the potential for positive change. You start the process of collaboration. You become a powerful person.

Try it. Next time a colleague brings you an idea for improving the department, find something about the idea you can be for. You may find that you never have to state what you were against in her ideas because the synergy and creativity has taken a positive turn to solving the problem.

Karla Brandau, CSP is a speaker, trainer & successful entrepreneur. She is "A wealth of empowerment information" who provides "real help, not theory" to improve, enhance & energize your leadership skills. Visit her website for free energizers and program information - boost YOUR people skills today!

Topics 22:The Four Questions

There are three questions that I hear repeatedly in my work as a therapist: Who (or what) am I? Do I have any value? Why doesn’t anybody see or hear me? Sometimes there is a fourth question: Why should I live? These are not intellectual questions to be discussed with a glass of wine over dinner; they are deadly serious and come directly from the heart, and they reflect a primordial experience of the world separate from problem solving and reason.

Usually it is not the questions themselves that bring people to my office, at least not directly. Typically a relationship has failed or is failing, a job has been lost, an illness has occurred, or something has happened in the person’s life that has dramatically reduced their sense of agency. Instead of resilience and conviction, the person is surprised to find a bottomless pit. Suddenly, the person experiences the terror and helplessness of freefall, and they make the telephone call. It only takes a session or two, however, to find there are two problems: the current situation and what the situation has uncovered.

Where do these questions come from? Why are some people terrorized by the four questions their whole life, while others don't even notice their existence? And why are they so cleverly disguised in many people’s lives—only to suddenly emerge as all-encompassing and sometimes life-threatening ruminations? It is currently fashionable to posit a purely biological explanation for behavior that we can’t explain (just as, in past decades, it was fashionable to posit a purely familial explanation): the four questions are really cognitive manifestations of a neurotransmitter imbalance (too little synaptic serotonin), or reflective of a broader genetic problem. There is truth to both of these answers but they are incomplete. Biology certainly plays a role, but biology and life experience interact—each one affecting the other.

In fact, the four questions exist for good reason, and they make perfect sense--if you understand the ancient language of subtext. What is subtext: it is omnipresent between-the-lines communication, the hidden messages of all human interaction. But what a strange, wondrous, and slippery language subtext is. Subtext is wordless, yet it is the language of dreams and great literature. It is the language mastered by infants and then slowly replaced by logic and reason. It is a language where the same words can mean a thousand different things depending on context. It is a language that eludes social scientists because it is so difficult to measure. And, ironically, it is the only language I know where a likely outcome of comprehension is loneliness and alienation—because it is compelling, and yet so few people understand it.

Why do the four questions emerge after trauma or loss? Because in the subtext of the parent-child relationship, these questions were never adequately answered. Or if they were answered, the message was: you don’t exist for me, you have always been a burden, or you exist for limited reasons having to do with my own psychological needs. Lacking satisfactory answers, the person can spend their whole life erecting props—ways they can validate their very existence. They do this through relationships, career success, self-aggrandizement, obsessive or controlling behavior, drug or alcohol use, or other ways (I will talk about all of these in later articles). Loss or trauma causes the props to fall, and instead of tumbling to a sturdy stone foundation (“I had a bad time or bad luck, but I’m basically O.K.”), people slide into a vortex of terror, shame, and worthlessness.

Parents who provide their children inadequate answers to the four questions are not evil. Usually, they are struggling with the same questions themselves: who they are, what value do they have, how can they get people (including their own children) to see and hear them--and sometimes should they live or not. Without definitive, fundamental answers, parents lack the emotional resources to answer the questions for their own children. The intergenerational cycle continues until finally someone gets help.

Psychotherapy provides answers to the four questions. Therapy is not, however, an intellectual process. A therapist gently uncovers the vulnerable self, nurtures and values it, allows it to grow free of shame and guilt, and provides comfort, security, and an attachment. Just as in the parent-child relationship, the subtext of the therapist-client relationship is critical: it must be loving.