We choose how we see people

Fred and Mary go on their first dinner date. Fred is determined to have a good time. Mary drops potato salad in her lap, and Fred says: "Here, let me help you wipe that up." She loses her house keys, and Fred says: "I do that all the time!"
Three years go by, Mary and husband Fred are out to dinner. She drops the potato salad in her lap. Fred says: "You're disgusting!" She forgets her keys. He says: "You bird brain!"
Same people, same circumstances, different attitude! We choose how we see people. When we want to like someone, we can be tolerant. When we want to irritate by people, we focus on their faults. It's not other behavior that determines how we feel about them – it's our attitude.
Most of us spend more time thinking about what's wrong than what's right: Mary has two mental lists about Fred. The first is the wife's shortlist – a brief inventory of Fred's shortcomings. The second is the window's long list – a complete catalogue of Fred's qualities: his friendliness, his sense of humour, his generosity, and his cute backside.
She spends her whole married life concentrating o the short list – the few things, which irritate her… "He leaves the newspaper spread all over the breakfast table," "he leaves the toilet seat up." Then one day a truck hits poor Fred. Overnight she switches to the long list… Fred was such a n angel… kind, generous, hard working… he was such a good husband."
If we want to have lists, shouldn't we at least do it the other way round? Focus on all the things we adore about people, and when they're gone console ourselves with thoughts like "he snored anyway?" If I asked you: "What is wrong about your mother?" Wouldn't you find something? If I said: "List another five things you don't like about her appearance, her attitude and her behavior," could you do it? I bet you could. Given time you might think of a hundred things, or maybe a thousand. You might get to the point where you never want to see her again!
People who concentrate on the negatives usually defined themselves by saying: "I'm being realistic." The fact is YOU CREATE YOUR REALITY. You choose how you see your mother, and everyone else. Take anybody in your life and concentrate on what you like about them, and your relationship will improve. It can be hard, even scary, but it works.


By Andrew Matthews