Change Your Boss By Changing What You Think

My boss had a reputation for being a bully, but in the two years I had been consulting with him, he treated me with respect. Then one day, out of nowhere, he yelled at me in a meeting.

I was shocked, but I didn’t flinch. Twenty years of experience dealing with all kinds of personalities had toughened me up (or so I thought). I was fine the rest of the day, but then on the way home I started ruminating. What if it happened again? How should I react? Even though I knew that his outburst couldn’t have been justified, I felt terribly vulnerable. I figured I was finally seeing what everyone had always said about him—that he was volatile, unpredictable and took pleasure in mistreating his subordinates.

My fear of another confrontation made me wary and guarded around him, until I was unable to be myself in his presence. I became tongue-tied, inarticulate and reticent to speak—the opposite of my usual demeanor. I don’t know what I was thinking. I guess I just hoped he would go back to being the supportive boss I had previously known.


He actually stood up and turned his chair so that his back was to me.

A few weeks later, I presented a prototype for a comprehensive business report I had written and designed. During the meeting, my boss was sitting next to me. Get this—he actually stood up and turned his chair so that his back was to me, even though I was the one speaking.

I just plowed ahead, trying to make the presentation by talking to him over his shoulder. How ridiculous is that? He made a point of criticizing the project from every angle. By the end of the meeting, I was just devastated.

Afterward, I went to my office, closed the door and sobbed. This all made no sense! I had gone from two years of being treated like a superstar to being publicly humiliated—for no apparent reason. It seemed my boss had stopped regarding me as a trusted consultant and now was treating me as he treated everybody else.

I knew crying wasn’t going to help, so I pulled myself together. As I sat in my office, I humbly asked God to show me what I needed to learn. I remembered a milestone in my spiritual growth that had happened years before. I’d realized that my identity did not come from a job and that everything about my career was improved when I put God first. I had learned that no other individual was truly my boss, because I report to God. My real job is always to serve God, and my current position was simply a place where I could express God’s qualities.


Did he want me to change anything?

After a few quiet minutes, I genuinely felt that if something about my work needed correcting, I wanted to know what it was. So, that afternoon, feeling completely peaceful, I went to talk with my boss about my work. I said it seemed as though there was something about my work that bothered him—did he want me to change anything? He made no reference to the earlier meeting at all, but simply said there was nothing about my work with which he was not happy.

No, he didn’t apologize or change in any way, but I went home feeling more empowered that I had approached him directly and with genuine willingness to listen. I had behaved like my real self for the first time in several weeks. I was sure this was a first step toward restoring my good relationship with him. However, I still felt pretty shaky.

My assignment with his office was scheduled to end a few weeks later. The intervening weeks were awkward, as my boss pretty much avoided contact with me. On my last day on the job, I was scheduled to make another presentation of the book I had written and designed. There was a lot riding on this meeting. Not only would it define the outcome of the book project, but it also would determine how my tenure with this organization would end.

As I prayed in preparation, this statement from Science and Health came to me: “Allow nothing but His likeness to abide in your thought.”


When I looked at him I could see only God’s likeness.

Suddenly I saw the situation at work in a whole new way. Instead of accepting that my boss was the bully that everyone else thought he was, I understood this statement to mean that when I looked at him I could see only God’s likeness. I think of God as all good, as perfection, as Love. These qualities are omnipresent, so I can see them everywhere—even in my boss.

That was the breakthrough in my thinking. When I walked into that last meeting, I was prepared to see the image and likeness of God. And guess what? Although we had made no substantive changes since the first presentation, my boss enthusiastically approved the book. He actually praised some of the very concepts that he had previously so viciously criticized.

At the end of the meeting, I asked for a private moment with him. I genuinely wanted to say goodbye and wish him well. He thanked me for all my work, commenting that its impact had been widely felt. The book I wrote and designed was produced and distributed throughout their organization a few weeks later.


As I understand it, the change took place in my thinking.

What changed? As I understand it, the change took place in my thinking. When I shut out all negative impressions of my boss and saw nothing but God’s likeness, that’s exactly what I got.

Quite a lesson in managing your boss, eh? It sure was for me. This experience showed me that what I think matters. And that’s true for you, too. So, if you’re struggling with getting ahead, getting along or just getting by at work, you might want to take a look at your own thinking. It can make all the difference.


"I am always doing things I can't do, that's how I get to do them."-- Pablo Picasso