Everyday Life in America

Introduction

Every country has different everyday ways. To get to know Americans, it pays to know certain mannerisms and habits most Americans share.

Greetings. Americans shake hands firmly with each other when first introduced, or when they meet again, but rarely when they part (a more European custom). Social kissing, as a greeting, is also sometimes acceptable between men and women who know each other well and between women. American men rarely embrace each other or kiss on both cheeks.

Distance and Eye Contact. When two Americans are standing and talking to each other they stay at least 16 inches away from each other, yet they do make eye contact.

Etiquette and Behavior

Introductions. If you meet someone you know on the street while you are with someone else, it is polite to introduce the people to each other.

Foreign Languages. If you are with a group of mainly English-speaking people and the conversation is going on in English, it is not polite to speak in your own or another foreign language for more than a few sentences. Whatever language you speak in, try to avoid swear words. Of course, you should avoid "dirty," "off-color," or sexually explicit stories or jokes.

If you are in a movie theater or at a concert or play, it is never polite to talk during the performance, even in a whisper.

Formal and Informal Events

Social events and parties can pose bewildering problems for Americans and foreigners alike. You'll have to determine how formal the party or event is, what kind of food or drink will be served (if any), whether or not a gift is expected, and, if so, what type of gift is appropriate.

Formal and Informal. For some people and in some regions, "informal" means blue jeans and T-shirts. For some others, it can mean sports jackets and ties. It pays to ask specific questions about how you should dress when someone invites you ("Do I need to wear a dress? jacket and tie?"). Even if informal clothing is in order, keep your clothes clean. The phrase "formal" (also referred to as "Black Tie") means tuxedos for men and evening dresses for women.

Bringing Gifts

If you are invited to someone's home for dinner, you may bring a small gift like a bottle of wine, candy or flowers. If there is no special occasion, a very expensive gift might embarrass the host or hostess.

Bringing Refreshments

Some parties are "pot luck" or "covered dish" affairs. The idea is that everybody brings something. Sometimes the person giving the party will assign various types of food (breads, beverages, pasta, dessert) to different people to assure a variety. If a party is given on a B.Y.O.B. basis (it means "bring your own bottle") you'll be expected to bring a beverage, often alcoholic.

Card and Game Parties

Card and game parties are common in America. Bridge and poker are the two most popular card games, usually played for money, though often for very small amounts. Men's poker nights and women's bridge nights on a regular or weekly basis are common (though mixed groups also play these games). Americans may also invite you to a get-together to play "parlor games" such as charades, or commercial boxed games such as perennial favorite Monopoly.

Entertaining Outside

Americans like to entertain outside in good weather, either in back-yard barbecues or at picnics. For any get-together, it is perfectly polite to ask "May I bring something?" Even if they say "no", bring something tasteful like a delicacy or a fine candy.

Celebrations

Should you be asked to someone's birthday, retirement or graduation celebration, just ask if gifts are going to be given to the person honored. Again, even if the answer is "no" you can bring something small and tasteful. When Americans give gifts, they often enclose a signed gift card.

Showers and Weddings

If you are invited to a wedding, a "bridal shower" or a "baby shower," you will be expected to bring a substantial gift. The "showers" are gift-giving events. If you need to buy a wedding gift, there is a peculiar--and very practical--American custom you should know about: the "bridal registry." The couple to be married will register at a particular store, choosing the household goods, china, silver and other items they would like. You can then contact that store and purchase one of the items, knowing all the time that you'll be getting the couple something they really want, instead of their fourth automatic toaster. Many registries of this type are now computerized, and some are appearing on the Internet.

Being a Good Guest

Don't overstay your welcome. Whenever you are invited somewhere, try to find out in advance how long the event will last. It is also important not to be late. If it is a large party-- not a sit-down dinner party--you might have flexibility of an hour or two as to when you may arrive.

When You Entertain

When you entertain Americans in your own home, treat them as they would treat you. Offer them something to eat or drink. Offer to take their coats and hang them up somewhere properly and neatly. Take them on a short tour of your home and make sure they see where the toilets are located so they don't have to ask you when that critical moment arrives-- Americans are often embarrassed to ask.

Manners

Table manners are important in America, and may be different from those of your country. They are complicated, and you should consult a good guide to etiquette for a complete view.

In general Americans try to eat neatly, without making a lot of noise. If something on the table is out of their reach, they politely ask someone to pass it to them. Food should be lifted up to the mouth. Do not bend over to eat it. Sit up as straight as you can without being uncomfortable. Do not talk with your mouth full.

Table napkins are placed on your lap, folded in half if they are very large. If you are in a small group, it is polite to wait to start eating until the host sits down and begins. With larger groups, you may begin after noting that a few people have begun. You may also begin if the host urges you to.

Use your fork, knife and spoon to eat your food. There are some exceptions, like lobster and corn on the cob, cookies, shrimp, and fried chicken and other foods. Better watch what other people do. If you do eat with your hands, don't lick your fingers to clean them. Use the napkin carefully. If you have to take food out of your mouth, such as a pit or bone, do it carefully and quietly. It is not polite to pick your teeth at the table to remove trapped food. If you must do this before the end of the meal, excuse yourself and go to the restroom.

Making Conversation

Americans can become fairly intimate and personal in conversation, though controversial subjects like sex, religion, and politics are often best avoided, at least until you get a good idea of the views of the people you are talking to.

It is permissible for an American to start a conversation with a stranger but the conversation should be immediately ended if the person does not seem to want to talk. Be especially careful not to force your attention on someone in a plane, train or bus.

An accepted conversation starter is "What do you do?" meaning "What do you do for a living?" "Do you have any brothers or sisters?" is also a safe question. Americans also love to talk about their children. Since Americans are not particularly open about the subject of death, you will want to make sure a person's parents are alive before referring to them or asking about them.

Some Americans can spend a great deal of time in casual social circumstances talking about astrology. You can be sure that sooner or later you will be asked "What's your sign?" in a friendly manner. If you don't know your "sign" you can find it in any newspaper's astrology column. Even if you don't believe in astrology, it is often a good, non-controversial subject of conversation among people who do not know each other well.

Unless you know an American very well, it is not a good idea to criticize American society, apparent social injustices in America, or American ways of doing things. Americans usually think their way of doing things is either the best way or the only way. They have little exposure to or knowledge of other cultures. You might be 100% right in your criticism, but you won't get the point across to someone unwilling to consider it. In a social setting with people you have just met, starting such a political argument is undiplomatic. With people you already know, you can take some chances with controversial subjects.

If someone starts a conversation with you on a subject you consider tactless, improper or offensive, it is best to try to change the subject rather than making the problem worse by asking the other person embarrassing or personal questions. Don't lower yourself to the other person's level.

Accepting Compliments

If someone pays you a compliment, do not protest or deny the truth of the statement (as is required in many other cultures). Accept the compliment graciously and with thanks.