What's your intent?

by Marie T. Russell

In the "old" days, fathers would query from their daughter's suitor "What is your intention towards my daughter?"

And also, throughout our school days we were asked what our intention was when we graduated... what we wanted to be when we grew up.

All of these questions were geared towards the future... our goal or vision of a later time. Yet, intentions are present in our moment to moment experiences -- in our "now" as well as in our future.

As children, many times our immediate intention was clear -- we'd be nice to "old Aunt Clara" so she'd give us a piece of candy or a Christmas gift. We'd behave a certain way in order to elicit a particular response.

We do the same now -- behave a certain way to elicit certain behavior -- but with the maturity of an adult, we also need to be clear about our motive or intent.

When we are seeking to "improve" or change or lives, we often set goals or have a vision of what we want to attain. Yet, the only way to attain that goal quickly is by "monitoring" our moment-to-moment thoughts, words, and deeds. In our goal to become a "better" or happier person, it might be necessary to examine our motives or our intent in every action we take.

One precept is "first do no harm". Anytime we are about to say or do something, a first question to consider is "will it be harmful?" Will it be harmful to myself, to others, to the environment?

Often times, small things pass unaware... Gossip is one to watch for... We may fall into gossiping just because we're standing around talking with the "girls" (or the "boys") and we repeat a story we heard. But before we do, it would be good to question our intent and also see if we are doing harm. Our intent may simply to be the center of attention, or to get a laugh, or to seem knowledgeable. However, if these things are gained at the expense of harming someone or their reputation, then we might reconsider and back off.

In the same vein, we might tend to criticize someone's actions. What is our intent? Is it to "boost our own self-esteem" by seeming better than an other? Is it to "lower someone down a notch"? Is it to truly help? If we really mean to help, then we might reconsider our methods. Does our method match our intent?

Even in regards to ourselves with our own self-criticisms, our intent is surely to "become a better person", but does our method attain the goal we want? When we criticize ourselves, we usually end up with feelings of dejection, not being good enough, being a failure... Sometimes criticism can lead to giving up ("I'll never get it right").

With the holiday season approaching, many of us will have the opportunity to be with family members that we may not have seen for a while. While we may feel we have changed immensely in the past year, our family remembers us "the way we were", and usually treats us the same way as they did in the past, tending to elicit the same old behavior from us.

Again, this is a situation where we need to remain focused on our intent. If our intent is to be a more peaceful and accepting person, we may need to mentally tattoo that to our inner eye so that we will remember it before we speak out (react) to whatever is being said or done around us. A good method is to take a deep breath before responding or to count (at least to three) before "lashing back" in self-protection... These three seconds or that one breath are just enough to remember your motive, and remind yourself "I choose to response with peace and acceptance".

It is easy to "fall back" on old behavior, yet it is also easy to get back up and go the next step. Sometimes we may need to apologize for our harsh retort, or critical comment. We need to remember our intent is of most importance -- our goal is more important than swallowing our pride for a few minutes and saying "Sorry, I shouldn't have said that. I was out of line." Or maybe, you just thought it and didn't say it-- then do a mental apology, since our thoughts also carry vibrations and communicate.

It is also helpful to ask ourselves what the other person's intention was... While we will never know for sure, I find it helps my own peace of mind to assume that their intention was of the highest. So even if the comment was "you have gained a lot of weight", I assume that the person's comment is motivated for concern about my well-being. In this way, I give them "the benefit of the doubt" as to their intention, and I keep my peace of mind (my intent).

What is your intent today? With our busy, hectic lives, it is easy to get caught up in the "go, go, go" syndrome. There are many distractions, many choices, many challenges. We need to remind ourselves often of our goal, our mission, our intent. Maybe putting up a post-it note on your fridge, your computer monitor, your mirror, your desk -- somewhere where you will see it often -- will help remind you of your intent.

It is definitely a learning process. To quote an old cliché "Rome wasn't built in a day". Well, we weren't either. We're still a work of art in process. We are the artwork and the artist. And we get to choose what color, what style, what brush stroke we'll be using. We can choose to paint a picture of healing and love today and for all our tomorrows. And like any artist, we can correct our "errors" as we go, until we have a canvas that makes us proud.

We can make a difference in our lives and in the lives or the people around us. It is a question of making that our choice, our intention, and then reminding ourselves as often as we can of our intent.